Nineteen . . .

Acquiescence

By Stormcat

Is it correct that the thing one fears the most is inevitable?

And is it also true that that most desired is impossible?

I met you under unusual circumstance.

Our time together was to be temporary.

Attraction is attraction. Connection is connection.

Expectation is the basis of disappointment.

Desire is the seed of vulnerability.

Can one hide one's fear from God (the universe?)

Does contrived will actually mask real feeling?

I would never accuse you of the life I suspect

Although my love for you would allow it.

And the circumstance logics it.

Hell isn't enough to keep me from trying

Death, moreover life, without you . . . is much worse.

Often I just want to get drunk and forget.

Is self destruction the fruit of guilt, or the penitence of unforgivable sin?

At this point I fear our love is lost.

You constantly distance yourself (yet you still always keep in touch)

I feel that you wish it were me, but you are waiting for me to win

You cannot risk commitment based only on desire or potential

yet you do not realize that you are the essential ingredient

Can you not see me as yours from before the foundations of life?

Has living blinded you to our eternal connection?

From the first encounter the draw was undeniable

Not just that I wanted to fuck you, but that I couldn't believe it possible

that I simply felt that to be in your presence was heaven

and when we finally met I knew that I could take away your pain

so doesn't it follow that my touch affects you so . . .?

What does my one true love have to do to prove her loyalty?

What is my reciprocation thus? Do I go first or does she?

The fire in my heart fiercely resists

but the water of your actions overwhelm

I repel the flood hoping that you will realize

denying that you can't possibly miss it

knowing that you will.

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