Life as I Fear It . . . Do You’:
"Do you believe in magic? You sexy thing!"
I keep wondering if there is any left that could imbue me with enough energy to do the wonderful things that my mind envisions. Enough magic to catalyze true love from the milieu of potentials through the seemingly impossible gauntlet of distance and subterfuge. Magic to render me fearless of consequence in the battles refining useful truth from the ores of chaos. Innocence to trust heaven even as the animals and children.
Do you need to know me? You playful thing!
Can we not frolic in youthful exuberance. Exploring the city and wilderness alike with curious wonderment. Sharing whispers of discovered truths, celebrating the purity with unabashed laugher. Holding hands while running with wild abandon then leaping into dangerous waters knowingly confident of the hand being grasped. No need to speak in other's presence. Soundless communication controls, a simple glance will suffice.
Do you have a secret? You gorgeous thing!
Auditory hallucinations call you from your slumbers inducing breathless terror. "Who's There!?" "Hello, Hello! Hello!!!" Have you come to reveal me? I cannot lie anymore. You cannot keep the knowledge of past mistakes hidden. I cannot fear judgment. You cannot fear anything. I must hold you dear with no other possibility as you are already as you are. You must never force change.
Do you fear winning? You feisty thing!
Can anger overcome fear or is it peaceful patient kindness? To win is not to defeat but to advance. The only competitor is yourself. Visions of successes almost attained will fear advance. Can you not see your true nature? The person you are? It is hidden in the soul put forward to claim your body at your birth. Look deep! Believe in your nature! Love all that is true within you! You are the savior of yourself. You can win without retribution! You must!
Do you long for anything? You dreamy nugget!
Can you aver achieve respect as a woman if you only engage the abuser? Can I ever achieve respect as a man if I never abuse the desired? Do we only want the respect of ourselves! Not me! I want the regard of my peers and the desire of all women such that the one I find most desirable will have already chosen me. Do you not want the compliment to that? I really want that the one woman I find most desirable has the feeling that I am the one she finds most desirable too! Isn't loneliness the only acceptable alternative?
Do you embrace the passion? You peaceful thing!
Are dream states the exclusive domain of our companionship? Awaken desire! Expand your presence to breathless physicality. Call out my name over and over, your breasts heaving, aching for the roughness of calloused hands brushing nippled tender flesh. Let your head fall back over the edge exposing the neck to the kissing bites that you so hope will soon come. Your hips are rising, floating, involuntarily reaching upward, searching for satiating release. You can almost feel your loins being parted, your fingers reach to open the way, moistness flows, muscles convulse in anticipation, then the reality of darkness settles around you. You are alone.