I'm kicking off a personal quest beginning on this winter solstice December 21, 2013 with an attempt to post all my poems here in one place for a Solar year. Some old, some new . . . . I'm naming my project "Via Solaris" (the way of the sun) after the same sun calendar sculpture by John Van Alstine.
I'm not sure about my father but
I think I love my mother.
It isn't that it is
it's that it's disturbing to admit.
Society dictates absoluteness
in that regard.
So I look at myself in the mirror
and think, on an ordinary day, that
I really don't look that wonderful
That's when I don't like myself,
in spite of all the wonder.
That's when I question my worth
Now it's ten o'clock on yet another
Before I even realize it, it will be
on yet another Friday night.
Another week will have passed
without any accomplishment.
It simply feels like I'm drowning
but it doesn't really matter.
A person can't drown
who is already dead.
To be human is to be
Seems, after all these years, like
there is no one-and-only for me.
Four decades, two failed marriages,
countless attempts . . .
Still no soul-mate.
Must I end, rattling around in this
large house with one cat?
I always dreamed
that my beautiful dance partner
fell in love with me.
I assumed I needed a partner to dance
Today I went upstairs where the floor is
large and empty (no lights or eyes)
Today, I tried dancing alone. . .
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