It's how my expectation evolved irrelevant the why.
That one searches humanity and geography to find
companionship and purpose mutually congruent with
that thus offered. The souls of matter dark and light
combined in exquisite complimentary mutuality.
I figured that event should've taken place sometime
between the age of 15 and 35 to allow room for the
proper education of future generations appropriate
to legacy congruent with all the legacies of previous
generations hopes and dreams; combined to unity.
That one, designated sweetheart, to enjoy deference
unique to us; respect; loyalty and trust; unconditional
unquenchable love; gentle confidence devoid of
manipulation, devoid of even the slightest duress;
confidence absolute, whether expressed or implied.
When the window of opportunity has so long expired
that, even if discovery arises, the remainder is moot
and wisdom dictates rethinking the utility of keeping
such an array, goals notwithstanding disappointment.
Situational failure equals existentialistic revenge?
No one intentionally lives a life of "quiet desperation"
rather such overtakes even as denied failures to achieve
perceived expectations accumulate and coalesce into
ever increasing pressure to acknowledge the futility
of continuing seeking the ideal blessed admired end.
Wisdom deconstructs youthful exuberance, therefore
the passion and impatience of youth rejects it as an
unnecessary barrier to progress. So, leave progress to
the young, and let the wise accept the consequence of
its youthful exuberance, notwithstanding repetition.
Even if one finds that perfect companion, one of them
will die first therefore the other faces death alone with
an uncertain intervening interval at a time of waning
physical acumen and increasing realized vulnerability.
Where does then, advantage of companionship reside?
Thrust into midlife's waning years one is forced
to contemplate and face ageing alone. The challenge
becomes satisfying actualization and avoiding panic.
To what end is a life that leaves no legacy in progeny?
If fame seems impossible, what is the best remainder?
So I hesitate on the brink of declaring independence.
Having realized the overwhelming and terrifying power
that I possess, why should I waste any subsequent time
seeking bygone quests that bear no fruit? Regardless, my
future, I leave legacy to those, who, for such, give a damn.
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